2024 for me personally was one of constant battles. This isn’t just political either. It is about my health and forcing myself to try and get better. COVID led to Dysautonomia and both created exercise intolerance. But for someone like me, who has been an athlete most of her life, it was extremely hard to fall so short of what I used to be able to do. I kept pushing and pushing, thinking all of this pushing was going to make me better. When in fact, it was making me worse. I was on a self inflicted path to an unintentional suicide. Everyone kept telling me, “slow and steady.” Yeah right!!! My oldest daughter even told me, “Mom, you think exercise is going to cure you!” I think that was my wake up call. I had to come face to face with the fact that I was dealing with two very serious chronic illnesses. The more I pushed hard against them, I was only making myself sicker and that included spiritually and emotionally too. I wasn’t just killing my physical body. I kept thinking, “I had to get back to where I used to be.” I have one word for that and it is shame. I was ashamed of who I had become, due to something that wasn’t even my fault. I was embarrassed because of how weak I had become. Just keeping it real. Shame is defined as, “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress.” I find this expanded definition of humiliation interesting.

“mid 16th century (earlier (late Middle English) as humiliation ): from late Latin humiliat- ‘made humble’, from the verb humiliare, from humilis (see humble). The original meaning was ‘bring low’; the current sense dates from the mid 18th century.“

I was absolutely brought very low. I was humbled by my horrible appearance of weight gain, hair loss and a tragic loss of strength. I had to bring my CPAP just to ice skate. I would be on the ice for 10 minutes than have to go sit for another 10 minutes on a machine so I could breathe.

September 12th: Bummed! My overnight oxygen test came back. It was under 90 for an hour. It dropped to 85 and that isn’t good. Rink today still needed CPAP! Was depressed about it. But my awesome coach Cathy told me to STOP! Think better thoughts. We are working on a plan. Thanks Cathy! You’re the BEST!“

Think better thoughts! I have had to reprogram my ideas of how I am going to get well again. I have improved since last year and that is a miracle. I absolutely thank God that I am still alive as well as my family, as many others did not survive COVID. It was a brutal attack by an enemy upon innocent lives that caused immense suffering and loss. It was a political war against humanity, to depopulate the world. It wasn’t an accidental “leak.” It was one of intention! Why else would Dr. Richard/Rachel Levine put COVID infected patients back into nursing homes, while he/she took his/her own mother out of one and into a hotel? I got COVID in November of 2021 and I am still recovering from Long Term COVID and now Dysautonomia. It is a dysfunction in my Autonomic Nervous System. It controls breathing, swallowing and at times when I stand up, I crash into something because my blood pressure dropped. But I am learning how to “manage my symptoms.” However, I don’t just want to manage them, I want to get beyond my symptoms to healing. I know God can heal me. I believe little by little He is as I am dwelling more and more in His secret place.

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.” Psalms 91:1-3 (NKJV)

We know COVID was and still is a “perilous pestilence.” “Perilous is defined as, “full of danger or risk.” “Pestilence” is a word that means a deadly, contagious, and devastating disease that affects an entire community. It can also refer to something that is destructive.” To this day, I do not know if it was the vaccinees that almost killed me or the virus, or perhaps both combined. But I do know that this year, 2024 I have found my way out of a very long and dark tunnel of death. I am getting better. I just have to maintain baby steps and stop trying to bring further harm to my body because of shame. I have to stay in God’s secret place. I have to stay under the shadow of the Almighty or get myself in serious peril! I do not have answers as to why I got so sick, but I do know it wasn’t God’s fault. I know He is the one who is helping me to heal. He has put so many wonderful people around me that love me and are helping me to regain what I have lost. I don’t know what the lesson is, but I hope I learn it and never go through something like this ever again. I think pride and shame go hand in hand in some cases. I don’t know if I needed to learn how to be humble, or if I needed to not spend so much time on the outer side of me because I neglected the inside? I honestly do not know. But I rejoice in the little accomplishments I am making as opposed to killing myself, by pushing so hard to achieve big ones all at once. God is not going to let me miss what He has for me, or what He wants me to do with my life. He is faithful and I simply need to rest in His faithfulness.

On another note, politically speaking, it was a hard fight against the current administration. But with God’s help, WE THE PEOPLE got the job done! It is an immense relief. But it isn’t time to drop our swords. We still need to stand strong. But maybe now we can rest just a little knowing we won the 2024 election. But there is still so much hostility from the other side. There is a great deal of bullshit we still have to sift through. Biden, of course, was going to pardon his son. He lied about not pardoning him. But seriously, is it really that much of a surprise? Is it a surprise he is sending billions overseas to help those other countries AGAIN, while the our own American citizens in the south, are left destitute by something that also wasn’t their fault? They didn’t cause the hurricanes or the catastrophic floods. Hundreds are still missing but where is the Biden/Harris Administration? Are they helping to find them? Are they helping to rebuild? They don’t give a shit about what happens to the American citizens and why they allowed illegals to over take this country and almost destroy it. They actually thought that these illegals were going to hand them the 2024 election. WRONG! Even some Democrats had enough of their demonic policies and changed sides. But Biden will do as much as he can to devastate America even more, until he is out on January 20, 2025. Trump, however, is already leading our country back to its former glory of being the greatest country in the world. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

I do not know how many more blogs I will write this year, but if it is none, just know I appreciate you taking the time to read my articles and sharing them. I looking forward to 2025 and all that God has for the new year.

To see what is happening with my Summer Ray book series as well as our soon to be two hour full feature pilot, please click on the link: www.thememoirsofsummerray.com!

Once again, thank you and may God bless you and yours in the coming year!

References: www.biblegateway.com; www.dictionary.com; Google AI definitions